I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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