You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
