WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
