Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
