My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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