i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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