You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
