just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
