I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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