OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
