Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
