Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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