Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
