I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
