Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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