she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
