The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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