Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize