Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
