he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize