I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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