Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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