She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
