i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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