I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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