This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize