also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
