I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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