yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
