so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
