She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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