Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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