when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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