I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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