i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I could fuck to npr.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize