Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
