He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
