shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
