He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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