tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
