You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
