I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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