so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ok first of all what the fuck
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
