McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
