I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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