The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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