you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
