I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
