whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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