Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As shirtless as possible
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
