Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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