just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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