my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
