so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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