He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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