The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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