i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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