My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
