That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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