You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
