I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
