Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
