I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
