That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
