ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
