I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
