Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
