i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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