people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I would ride that face into the sunset
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
