Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
