I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
