a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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