I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize