The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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