Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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